3 tactics used for gaslighting

Have you ever found yourself questioning the events that happened and how you remember them?

Have you ever been in a situation where someone questioned your memories of an incident?

Did you feel like someone was trying to manipulate your experiences? And you often leave the conversation wondering if there is something wrong with you….

If your answer for these questions was yes, chances are that you have experienced gaslighting.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation technique. It is said that one is gaslighting when he/she causes another person (the victim) to question their experiences, their memories and their own thoughts. This results in the victim experiencing low self-esteem, anxiety, sadness and confusion.

This is mostly observed in relationships where one person tries to dominate the other or stay in control of the relationship. This type of behaviour is frequently observed in people having some sort of personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and psychopaths. This is a technique used for manipulation.

What are the tactics used in gaslighting?

1. Ignoring – The person who is gaslighting will pretend to ignore the concerns of the victim. He/she might act like they do not care and refuse to listen to the victim. They might try to distract you from the actual topic by bringing up something else to your attention. They might say things like “I did it because I love you.” or “You know I’d never intentionally hurt you” and distract the victim from what they wanted to discuss. This makes the victim feel like they have a lot to say, but their concerns are never “heard”.

2. Questioning the memory of the victim – The one who gaslights often does so by questioning the memory of the victim. They pretend that the victim is lying and tell them that certain things never happened, or the victim remembers it differently than how it happened. They might say things like “Are you sure that is how it happened?” or “You are going crazy” or “I am sorry you think that I am trying to hurt you”. They might tell their own version of the story and try to convince you that that is what happened. They have no problem lying and might change their response frequently and blame the victim.

3. Trivialising the victim’s thoughts and emotions – The person who engages in manipulation and gaslighting might frequently say things like “why are you so sensitive?” or “you always overreact”. This shows that they have little to no concern about the victim’s thoughts and emotions. No matter what the situation is, they try to place the blame on the victim. The victim might end up feeling that no matter what happens it is always his/her fault.

In gaslighting the abuser will never admit that he/she was wrong and will use different tactics to manipulate the victim’s perception of reality as well. The abuser also tries to distance the victim from their close friends and loved ones.

The result of gaslighting could be that the victim doubts his/her memories, the victim spends a lot of time apologising, the victim wonder’s if there is something wrong with them, the victim feels alone, confused and powerless.

If this relates to you or anyone you know, you need to consider going for therapy.

It is very difficult to recover alone in such cases, you might need some help.