4 effective ways to manage your anger

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

― Buddha

We are aware of the possible harmful effects of anger. Yet, we are somehow clueless about how we can manage anger effectively before it gets out of control.

There are many ways to manage your anger. Try out a few of them to understand which works the best for you. Remember, not every technique can be suitable for you. Anger management is a process. You cannot do it once and expect long term results, you need to practice every time you are angry for the healthy response to come naturally to you.

Here are four techniques to manage anger effectively –

1. Pause – When you notice the signs of anger in your body (like – your voice raising, your palm getting sweaty) take a deep breath. Continue taking deep breaths while focusing on your bodily sensations. Until you feel calm in your body, until your hands are steady and you feel okay, continue deep breaths. Try not to say anything that you most certainly will regret later. Its better to take some time away. Go for a walk if things start to feel overwhelming.

2. Ask Yourself – Most of the time, our anger is directed towards silly things that might not even bother us the next day. For such instances, it is helpful to ask yourself “Is this thing going to matter five years from now?” or “Am I likely to forgive this person a year from now?” If the answer is yes, you’ll come to realize that you’ve been unnecessarily worrying about something that holds no significant importance. If you are going to forgive the person few years down the line, there might not be any point showing agression by yelling or screaming at them right now.

3. Express how “you” feel – Our anger is a result of not the actions performed by someone, but mostly due to our interpretation of those actions. For example, your kids sit with cell phone in their hand at the dinner table and you get angry because it makes you feel that they are not taking efforts to spend quality time with the family. Instead of telling them what they are doing wrong, it would be helpful to say how it made you feel. In this situation, I deeply apologize for the unintended consequences of using your phones at the dinner table, which have led to

distractions and prevented you from fully engaging in the ongoing discussion. I want to spend quality time together as a family.”

4. Understand what is beyond your control – There are certain things that no matter how hard you try, you cannot change. Try to make peace with those kind of triggers. If you are getting upset over the same thing repeteadly, try to find a permanent solution for it. If not possible, learn to make peace with it.

Anger is a normal human emotion that comes as a response to ceratin upsetting situations. Sometimes, it can play a useful role in making us understand what really matters to us. For example – Experiencing anger over an injustice taking place. This is justified and makes us realise that something is wrong. The anger you feel might be justified but you have to suffer the consequences of the way to act.

We should not try to never experience anger as that is not possible. A healthy expression of anger however is possible and that is something we should aim to cultivate.